Discernment
‘The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away, sold everything he had and bought it’
— MATTHEW 13:45-46
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE CALLED TO BE A NUN?
God knows each of us intimately, and He gets through to us in exquisitely personalised ways. It is rare for a person to hear a voice that impresses on them with utter certainty exactly what God wants of them, though this does sometimes happen.
For most of us there is a strong attraction to Jesus and a desire to follow Him the whole way through a total gift of oneself in religious life. Then there is a dawning clarification of where through little prompts – confirmed over time through an encounter with a community and later with experience of living the life.
There may, in parallel, be an aversion – ‘Lord, anything but that!’ However, the feeling in one’s conscience that this is something one must explore keeps returning. Certainly an attraction to marriage is no contra-indicator to a religious call. If you’d make a good wife, you’d probably be a good nun.
SEEKING GOD’S WILL IN PRAYER
Most people contemplating religious life already have a strong desire to do God’s will. A good thing to do, therefore, is to pray: ‘Lord, make Your desires my desires’.
Commit the matter to Our Lady.
Spend time in Eucharistic Adoration if possible.
Commit to daily prayer, daily Mass if possible, and reading the Scriptures, and saying part of the Divine Office.
Be rather circumspect about who you share the matter with. Talking about your vocation can leak the resolve and energy needed to follow up on it. Seeds germinate hidden in the ground. Your first and best authority is within – the Holy Spirit living in you. Listen to Him. This needs a measure of privacy and silence.
ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT IN A DISCERNMENT PROCESS
It can be helpful to talk the matter over with a good spiritual director. St Ignatius advises:
Don’t make a major change in time of desolation
Ask yourself what would you wish to have chosen if you were on your deathbed?
Try to be detached as to the various options so He is free to move and act in you.
Give the decision an imaginative trial run. Listen to the after-effects and feelings that you experience in doing this. Sure signs of the Holy Spirit’s action are feelings of peace, joy, energy, flow. If the suggestion is not of God it leaves you feeling confused, constrained, disturbed, agitated, and distressed by false obstacles.
USING ALL YOUR FACULTIES
Consult your feelings, your reason, your intellect, your intuition, your soul. Take a bold look at any possible unconscious motives that may be influencing you. Read the saints of the Orders you like. Some of us also get prompts through things people say to us, ‘chance’ encounters, sermons and books.
God speaks to all of us through Scripture. Pray over the calls of figures in the Bible (Abraham (Gen. 12), Elisha (1 Kg.19), Isaiah 6, Moses (Ex. 3,4), Peter (Lk 5:1-11), Paul (Acts 9, Rom. 1:1-6), Our Lady (Luke 1:26-38).
It is good to get some understanding of the different Orders’ charisms to see what you resonate with.
The Carmelites emphasise silence and solitude – we are hermits in community. We work alone whereas many other Orders have more work in common and emphasise hospitality. Do you feel more attracted to the saints of a particular order? How much silence and solitude do you need? How much could you cope with?
THERE’S NO PERFECT COMMUNITY
You might have a list of things you are seeking in an Order. Some of these might be really important ‘non-negotiables’ e.g. doctrinal orthodoxy. Others however it could be important to sit lightly to, as you might find your perspective changed from inside. The ways the house does not fit your fancy might be the very means God wants to use to sanctify you.
ACTION
Discernment should not go on forever. At some point you have to take a step – pick up the phone or write a letter and begin the conversation. Then arrange a visit, then a ‘live-in’. Fortunately the Church gives us plenty of time to test and work out if we have taken the right step, and has put stages and safeguards in place to enable us to take another course if experience tells us we were mistaken.
GOD IS IN THE FACTS
If you are reading this and you are married, or you lack the physical or mental health to live the life, then this is probably a distraction. St Francis de Sales wisely warns that the devil sometimes deflects people from the good they could be doing in their real present circumstances by placing before them a ‘good’ incapable of fulfilment.
Decision entails risk, because by committing to one thing you give up others. The thing is however ‘if you don’t risk anything, you risk more’ (Erica Jong). Freedom comes through commitment.
Something lights up in me, in the encounter with this community. I feel, ‘This is where I belong and am at home’. Ultimately whatever God desires for you is where you will find the greatest possible happiness and deepest fulfilment.
